“Most families tend to rush through dinner, especially the kids.  They can’t wait to get back to their computers and cell phones and iPods.  But they’ll stick around if the conversation is interesting.  And the biggest determinant is YOU.  If you see yourself and your life as a crashing bore, your kids will see the same thing.  But if you see your life as an endless succession of miraculous and fascinating events, your kids will be transformed by it.”  — Shmuley Boteach

How can you get your kids to open up and talk with you?  Most kids talk nonstop when they’re in preschool.  In elementary school, many of them begin to clam up with their parents.  But there are strategies to get your kids to talk with you, and the more they get used to it, the more natural it will become.

1. Notice the little conversation openersyour kids offer, and drop everything to respond, at least once they’re past eight or so.  It can be excruciating to tear yourself away from what you’re doing to focus on a child’s question, but how you respond to his overture is crucial in building closeness. To him, it’s an indication of whether he can count on you to talk when he needs you.  And much more important than any conversation you try to initiate, like when you try to get him to tell you what happened at school today.

Parents who have close relationships with their teens often attribute their closeness to their willingness to be available if their teen signals a desire to talk — even if it’s 1am and her boyfriend just broke up with her. This can be difficult if you’re also handling a demanding job and other responsibilities, of course. But teens who feel that other things are more important to their parents often look elsewhere when they’re emotionally needy. And that’s our loss, as much as theirs.

2. Ask nonjudgmental questions that require real answers.  “What was the best thing about school today?,” “Do the kids at school ever talk about boyfriends and girlfriends?,” “Who did you sit with at lunch today?” or“How did the soccer game go at recess?” will get you a lot further than “How was school today?”

Questions that begin with “Why” often make kids defensive; “Why did you wear that?” won’t work nearly as well as “What do you think most of the kids will be wearing on the field trip?”

3. Don’t jump in with solutions and advice.  Your child needs a chance to vent, and he can’t hear advice until he does.  Then he needs a chance to figure out his own solutions, which is how he develops confidence and competence.  If you jump in with solutions, you make him feel incompetent.  I find this so hard — I always want to tell my kids what to do.  I’m a professional advice-giver, after all!  But when we can reflect feelings and then help them brainstorm solutions, kids find us more useful to talk to — and they’re more likely to seek us out when they have problems.

4. Make sure you connect with each of your children every single day, alone, even if just for a short time. Being on hand when they come home is a sure-fire way to hear the highlights of the day, but anytime you get in their space and in sync with their energy level works.

When they’re toddlers we call it floor-time; with nine year olds you might snuggle on the couch while you chat about anything from their day at school to the coming weekend to a TV show you just watched together. With teens you might develop a little ritual, like sharing a cup of tea every night before bed while the two of you catch up.

Don’t expect your son or daughter to invite closeness or volunteer vulnerable emotions at each interaction, or when you expect it.  But if you set up enough regular opportunities to be together, it will happen.

5. Build “special time” with each child into your routine.  Maybe Dad and daughter go to brunch once a month, or play basketball together once a week. Maybe Mom and son get to catch up on his life during the drives to swim team.  Kids often wait for these routine times with their parents to bring up something that’s bothering them.

6. If you don’t get the response you want to your overtures towards your kids, step back and watch how you initiate.  Are you inviting a positive response?  Kids have a lot on their minds, from the history test to the soccer tryouts to the newest computer game.  Not to mention that by the time they’re tweens they’re swamped with hormones, and checking themselves out in every mirror they pass.  Parents can be dismally low on their list, but that’s actually a good sign.  They can take us for granted because they know we’re there for them!

So find ways to get in their face in a friendly, inoffensive way.  It’s fine to demand and expect connection – you have a right to a relationship with your child.  But you’re more likely to find the response you want if you can help your child remember why she likes you!  “I was hoping we could go out for brunch one day this weekend for some special Mom and Alice time” will work a lot better than “You never tell me anything these days!”

7.  If you make an overture and are greeted with something hurtful — disdain, sarcasm, or blankness — try not to respond with anger.  Instead, show your vulnerability and hurt.  Say “Ouch!” and turn away (before you give in to the temptation to lash out.)  Your son or daughter will almost certainly feel badly about having hurt you, especially since you haven’t aroused their ire by attacking back.  Remind yourself that the slight was probably unintentional and that being close to your child is your priority.

Later, when you aren’t upset, use a light touch to tell your child how much you wanted to connect and how hurt you were.  Your child will probably apologize, and learn something about relating civilly.  If not, it’s an indication that your relationship needs some repair work, and a heart to heart is in order. Reaffirm how much you love your child and want to be close, as well as your commitment to a home where everyone treats each other with respect.  Then ask what he or she thinks is getting in the way of a loving relationship between you.

8.  Stay available. Most kids don’t keep an agenda and bring things up at a scheduled meeting. And nothing makes them clam up faster than pressing them to talk. Kids talk when something is up for them, particularly if you’ve proven yourself to be a good listener, but not overly attached to their opening up to you.  If you act like the information they have is a gem you need, they often won’t be able to resist that power and will become even more tight-fisted about sharing!

Young kids usually talk with no hesitancy.  Some time-honored strategies include asking questions while in the car, or while they do art or build things.  Picking up a crayon or a block yourself creates more connection and more likelihood that they’ll share their thoughts.

With older kids, whether they will talk to you depends on your overall relationship.  If it’s close, then they won’t need to worry about whether to trust you with delicate information, and they won’t need to seize a rare chance for power in the relationship by withholding info.  So if your child isn’t opening up, you might spend some time on the rest of this website getting ideas to strengthen that relationship.  But do remember that teens cherish their right to privacy and resist being intrusive.

Never waste a car ride or a simple task like folding laundry together.  Simply being in the same room can create the opportunity for interaction. If you’re cooking dinner and she’s doing her nails or her homework, for instance, there’s often an opening.  Of course, if one of you is hunched over the computer, the interaction is likely to be more limited. Find ways to be in proximity where you’re both potentially available, without it seeming like a demand.

Stating your availability is helpful, even with teens. “I’ll be in the kitchen making dinner if you want me” or “I have to run to the grocery store, but don’t hesitate to call my cell phone if you need me.”  But the most important part of staying available is a state of mind. Your child will sense your emotional availability.

9. Use indirect communication.  Kids often open more in the car, on a walk, or in the dark — all times when eye contact is limited.  Remember that these are great times to get kids talking.  Another opportunity for indirect communication is when their friends are over, or in your car.  Just keep your mouth shut and listen.  Your kid knows you’re there, of course, but often is more willing to talk than if you were speaking directly.

10. LISTEN.  This is, of course, the single the most important part of helping kids open up.  Don’t talk, listen. Reflect back what they’re saying so they know you understand, and then be quiet so they can talk more.  If they don’t keep talking, you can ask another question, but keep your tone companionable, not interrogatory.

1. I speak from experience, having fallen in love often and very quickly. (I’ve been with the same man, BTW, for nearly 40 years!!) These feelings can linger causing me to brood and dwell, and they are usually unrequited. Now, you might think I speak just about the opposite sex. No, I fall in love (literally) with films, books, music and, now, a European city I live in this year. Seriously, I have all the feelings of being in love – intoxication, cannot keep my eyes of the beautiful parts of the city, waking with a warm inner glow, fear of separation and absence (making the heart grow fonder). This might seem odd to some, but I did actually hear an interview recently on radio with an international music celebrity (classical) who said, “I absolutely fell in love with San Francisco – and, yes, it’s possible to LOVE a city”.

   I wish I didn’t feel so passionately for people, places and artefacts. Can anyone share a similar experience and why do I fall in love so very easily. I’m sure people can see this for the pathetic characteristic it is!!

   Last edited by Seniora; 10-11-2011 at 10:42 AM. Reason: qualification
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2. 10-11-2011 04:07 PM#2
   CHANDLERS WISH

   

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   I think when someone is very passionate about life, they are passionate in all that they do. They are sensual, in the touch of a flower, see beauty in a bird that flys by, the way they dress…

   It is a good characteristic, the best, don’t put yourself down… The only downside, is your heart therefore is also one that cares for everything and therefore, everyone in life and you tend to pick up wounded birds so to speak…

   I can relate to what you wrote, it’s how I live…

   Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
   It doesn’t happen over night
   if truth were to be told.Like everything in life that’s hard to achieve
   you must believe!
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• 10-11-2011 09:50 PM#3
  oxy-moron

  

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  Early Love and obsession are basically the same thing.
  They are ruled by Seratonin and Dopamine levels in the brain.
  You can become obsessed about anything but it does not always benefit you.

  Sometimes you will be blinded to reality – seeing only the positives.

  If it gives you warm positive feelings it cant be a bad thing as long as you dont let it interfere with other important things.
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• 10-11-2011 10:31 PM#4
  Seniora

  

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  Oxy, thanks for that pertinent observation. I would say you are spot-on!! Yes, it IS obsession – I become obsessed about things: people, places, books, films, artefacts and political issues. And, yes, it can interfere with other important things – and often does! How did you know that????
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• 10-11-2011 11:37 PM#5
  ItsASecret

  

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  How did you know that????

  It is not specifically knowing it is a general concept, if anything interferes with the “important things” it can become a problem. Anything from doing hard drugs instead of going to work to becoming obsessive about cooking to the point of not going to work. One may be more extreme health wise but they both create problems if they interfere with going to work because no matter how much you do not want to you must work to pay your bills. Work trumps because it is under the category of ‘important’. Simply being passionate is not a problem unless you are choosing to avoid important things like hygiene, working, social time with family and so on. I love science, I spend a lot of time reading scientific journals and writing papers, going to school, and devoting my personal time to that interest…my love and passion for science does not trump me having a daily shower though…that is the difference between a problem and a simple passion, no interference with important things.

  There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

   

   

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• 10-12-2011 01:27 AM#6
  Seniora

  

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  When I said it interferes with other things – I meant “interferes”, not dysfunction. It makes me think about the pursuit (or person) lots and lots. This may just be a personal friendship with another female, anything. But I’ve noticed it in relation to falling in love, in particular. This makes me unhappy, and in that respect it does interfere. But there may be other depression-related issues at work here too. But I only once ever had a passion/love affair (early 20′s) which prevented me from doing the things you suggest and I had to get professional help when it ended. I fell to pieces when it ended and couldn’t work or cope for 2 months. A breakdown. That never happened since (40 years ago), but I often wish the idea/person/issue/relationship would go away as it causes me to “think too precisely on the event” (Hamlet). Glad to hear about your scientific interests – mine are classical music, literature, films, languages and politics, plus living in Europe in a city all this year I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with (except for the next 2 weeks where there is absolutely dreadful construction work going on in the apartment because of a major gas leak. Dust and noise Central here as they ‘liberate’ the pipes from their concrete graves – all have to be replaced!!). Thanks for the comments.
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• 10-12-2011 04:07 PM#7
  oxy-moron

  

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  Its just the way it plays out. Having a good obsession can be the best thing in the world.
  If you feel it is becoming an issue there are other things you can do to alter mood and obsession.
  Make sure you are having good Omega3 fats in your diet. Stay away from refined sugars and simple Carbohydrates . Make sure you get a bit of sun everyday or supplement with VitaminD3. Get some exercise every day if you can.
  Try to surf your positive obsession instead of submerging yourself in it.
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• 10-12-2011 06:52 PM#8
  Seniora

  

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  Thanks Oxy. It’s so difficult to change the habits of a lifetime. I’m living in a major European city with my husband all this year, getting heaps of exercise, travelling, classical music concerts, shopping etc. It won’t change my basic personality – that of being vulnerable and inclined to be too passionate about certain people, experiences, places, issues, hobbies etc. Years ago, years, at university a male friend picked up on this instantly and said at the dinner table in the residential school, “Seniora falls in love all the time”. Yes, absolutely, I was able to laugh about this but it’s so very true. It was a male friend too – and I admired and liked him very much, as he did me. But it only lasted the period of the residential school and he was a mate. But what a man! Musician, multi-lingual, funny, well-read and we had huge things in common. One night we went out for dinner and laughed so hard it fogged the windows of thecar and we overstepped the curfew and were locked out of the building. An unforgettable fellow and experience. At the time I was a 40 year old mother of four children, and this never came up!!

  Right at this moment it’s a particular issue for me and I’m grappling with it head on – but it takes time. But I don’t think for me, it can “be the best thing in the world”. True, being passionate about things can be – but this isn’t really the same, as it’s often painful and self-inflicted misery. More balance needed, as well as perspective. But, your comments have given me things to think about. Thanks.
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• 10-24-2011 10:55 PM#9
  jns

  

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  Falling in love with the intoxication and the withdrawal symptoms are as o-m says related to brain chemicals. Different people have different levels of these chemicals and different sensitivity. Add that to the fact that everyone’s brain is unique and many possibilities are available. In some people, cross wiring between close by areas occurs causing stimulus in one area to stimulate another area. Response to pain and sexual response can be wired together leading a person to require pain to get sexual climax and fulfillment. Maybe in your case, you have high sensitivity to enjoyment and that releases bonding and pleasure chemicals that cause the intoxicated feelings.

  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
  …
  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?Patrick Henry

  =====================

  Do You Fall In Love Too Quickly – How Do You
  Stop Yourself?

  By Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor 

   

   

  When it comes to love, most of us fall into two categories 1) those who don’t think they deserve a lot and 2) those who are looking for the “perfect” person who does not exist. In this article, I’d like to talk about those of us who don’t think we deserve a lot – and don’t feel bad or get discouraged many people really don’t feel they deserve a lot when it comes to love.

  Women who feel that they don’t deserve a lot have a tendency to quickly “fall in love” and as a result are more likely to get their hearts broken over and over. I don’t need to tell you that it is because you are being so needy, clingy or pushy, etc. you probably already know that from reading self-help books and internet articles, but how do you stop yourself (I am just a hopeless romantic!) and more importantly how do you avoid men who are incapable of (BUT he is so nice to me!) the kind of relationship you really want.

  The downside of being a hopeless romantic (been there..:-)) is that you always fall for guys you barely even know. Your romantic mind builds up a character that is often times so different from the real person. Your romantic mind also thinks that you know exactly how to “spoil” the person (of your own imagination) so much that he loves you eternally, but most times the more you give, the more he pulls away. And when he tells you “he is not feeling it” you get really confused “Isn’t this what men want from a woman?”

  This exercise will help you stop romanticizing men and identify enduring qualities a man you can have a healthy balanced relationship with must absolutely have. I have personally experienced (and seen it with so many of my clients) what the power of having a CLEAR THOUGHT/FELT VISION of the kind of person who makes you truly happy can do. Once you conceive it in your heart and confess it with your mouth, it takes a life of its own. You will find your general attitude towards the men you meet changing (see them for who they really are) and you attracting men closer and closer to your soul’s desire.

  While you can easily come up with the “external” parameters (tall and handsome, financially secure, sense of humour, college degree, etc), the truth is that the quality of the relationship is not so much about the romantic “qualities” of the person as it is about the quality of the way that person IS towards you. What he makes you THINK and FEEL about yourself, men, other people and life in general.

  If you’re hooked on looks, money, fame possessions, how they make love, and status, the ability to see relationships clearly, love or otherwise is extremely difficult. Healthy balanced and fulfilling relationships are less about the “experience” of falling in love and more about what happens in the days, weeks, months and years afterwards. His REAL-TIME actions rather than your romantic imaginations will show you whether or not he is the person you want in your intimate life.

  Take time to really think about what you are doing when doing this exercise.

  1. On a blank piece of paper, make a list of Ten PERSONALITY TRAITS the RIGHT person must absolutely have for you to consider him or her. If a person doesn’t have these qualities he will not be right for you. These “qualities” must come from a heartfelt place of inner knowing or intuition. Look at the enduring personality traits you find very attractive in the people closest to you, those who inspire you to want to be a better person: parents, friends, co-workers etc. Think about what makes them so endearing and good to be around. If you even slightly think; “oh, it doesn’t really matter”, then it doesn’t.

  2. When a particular quality pops into your mind, do not be in a hurry to dismiss it with “I can’t get that” or “that kind of person is too good for me” or “me like that don’t exist”. Your first thoughts are usually your instinct/soul at work, don’t let your mind silence it. Write it down, you can later take it out after clarifying what those qualities mean to you and whether or not they truly represent what makes you happy.  It is best to do this exercise alone in the beginning – what fulfills you may not be what fulfills the next person. You don’t want their won wants to interfere with your own soul search. Stick to 10 -15 qualities to avoid jumping to fantasyland, being overly picky or not perceptive enough.

  3. Look at your list and ask yourself “Would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?” Can I completely be myself around him? Can I feel completely safe and secure in his arms? Can I argue with him and voice my opinions openly and honestly and still be respected and appreciated?”

  Take the time to think about all of the failed relationships and combined all that heartache into one clear idea of what really makes you feel loved, secure, fulfilled and excited. The litmus test is determining if you want to emulate this person and if you would be happy if your child turns out like him.

  To clarify what these qualities really mean to you, share this information with a positive influence in your life- parent, friend, professional help etc. What does each of these qualities mean to you personally (one quality can mean something different for different people)? How would that make you truly happy? How different would that relationship be from your other relationship? How would you feel? What would the two of you be doing? Where would you go? What would your life be like? Etc.

  The only catch is that you have to start emulating those PERSONALITY TRAITS yourself. The more you become that person, the closer you are to someone who is a mirror of yourself. And when you meet someone who is like you he will seem so familiar because you already are that person. YOU KNOW YOU’VE MET YOUR SOUL MATE!

  ==============

  Why do i fall in love so easily?

  Everytime i meet a girl and we be so close together, i suddenly feel i love her.. but then when she gives me a cold shoulder i suddenly dont feel it anymore.. wtf is wrong with me.

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  Answers (10)

  • Michael Bieber Elvis

    Its not love

    • 12 hours ago
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  • natalie

    I don’t think you exactly “love” her, you might simply just be feeling comfortable with or around her. It’s normal, so don’t worry about it too much

    • 12 hours ago
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  • Madelynn…

    It’s not love. YOu think it’s love, but it’s not. Try moving slower and decipher what it is you feel each time and what triggers it. Love will be true and mutual.

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  • Kandie

    Its not love, but could be lust.

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  • myownfas…

    Nothing is wrong with you, being emotionally stable is almost impossible if not just impossible. One can be easily be led by their feelings, when you love you love, when you hate you hate sometimes there’s no control and best way to deal with it is to let our feelings out instead of keeping them in. Just follow your heart as cheesy as that sounds but also think with your head, its just a matter of balancing your feelings.

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  • Leslee

    It’s not love, that’s why.

    • 12 hours ago
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  • Bobby

    Nothing man. I take it your in high school cuz that’s how I felt. It’s just your hormones. Once you get to college and mature a little more you realize not to think about girls thy seriously. Biggest mistake in my high school was over thinking how a girl felt about me I wouldn’t even make a move. Now if you think about life logically were all human and meeting new people is normal and it’s not weird at all to meet new people. Try not to focus on one girl and think of them as potential partners. What made me get over that was this girl back in high school who I thought was perfect. She was pretty and I felt like she was really nice but I didn’t even know her. Till I met her and saw her personality my heart sunk and I just realized why am I falling for these girls, I’m young, I should be talking to a lot of girls and not care what they think about me. It’s about how you think of yourself

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  • O.o

  

  I think not feeling it is disassociation… But I am just not sure.

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• George W

  It’s called infatuation or it could be lust. Neither one is love. There’s nothing wrong with you but you need to learn to live with some common sense and not by your emotions or feelings or lustful desires.

  Source(s):

  I’m a grandpa that has done a lot of livin’ and learnin’ in 80 years.

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• Bitter Sweet

  Cuz ur kinda so emotional person. Or i say shy. Ur <3 is very childish. Don’t be so soft. Be hard. Its not important that the girl u meet will luv u.

  • Edited 12 hours ago
  • —–

  ==================

  Why do I fall in love so easily?

  • 3 weeks ago
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  Lala

  

  Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

  Cause you’re wearing your heart on your sleeve. You’re falling in love with the notion of being in love, so any guy you like or date you pass these feelings on to them. Or you get infatuated and you perceive it as love.

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  • Binx666

    Its possible that you are not actually ‘in love’ in the real sense of being in love, you think you are in love because it feels nice, makes you smile and gives you hope of being ‘at one’ with someone. We all desire to be able to share our lives with someone special, to enjoy their company and be happy. It is possible it is the initial ‘feel good’ rush that makes you think you are ‘in love’ with that person. Most of us are afraid of being on their own and think that we will miss out, but true love does happen and will come along in its own good time.

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  • L

    

    Do you think lowly of yourself? If you think lowly of yourself, you think many others are better than you..so you have more choices.

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  • Sebastia…

    Cause you’re young, when you get older you won’t fall so quickly.

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  • Åηℊεʟα

    *Sigh* your like me, friend. I DONT KNOW.

    • 3 weeks ago
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    ======================

    Why do we fall in love so easily but it becomes so hard get over the person we fell in love with?

    i just cant seem to get over him no matter what i do or how hard i try

    • 8 months ago
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    Sammi

    Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

    We fall in love so easily because we all want to feel loved feel like we are special to someone like we are amazing to them it’s hard to fall out of love because it’s love you always doubt whether it was right to end it or not and because you lived them you had a special connection…sorry about your situation it’s hard I know how it feels…on the brighter side at least your not hopelessly in love sighs married man 30+ yrs older than you…like I am hahha…you should go find yourself a better guy so ur ex is the one wondering if he made the mistake

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    Asker’s Comment:

    thank you

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    • Tabitha Robbins

      It seems impossible to move on but hang in there. It will happen. I’m going through it too. Try listening to
      Sara Evans’ “a little bit stronger”. I don’t know if you are a country fan but even so that song helps me deal with it a lot.

      • 8 months ago
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    • jim

      I’m in the same boat. I’m trying to get over this girl, but I can’t get her out of mind and heart. I never even dated her. Is it the same for girls? Do you ever feel like this towards a guy that u really liked but never dated?

      • 8 months ago

      ====================

      Do you fall in love too easily?

      by eHarmony

      Do you hear wedding bells with every first date? Do you feel heartbroken and rejected whenever someone doesn’t want to see you again? If so, it could be that you are falling in love too easily.

      

      Falling in love is a wonderful thing. It is a sign that your ego defences have come down and you are open to welcoming someone very special into your life. Love can be all-consuming causing you to forget to eat, daydream, smile to yourself and have a mental obsession with the object of your affections. All of these are perfectly normal reactions when you first meet someone you connect with and are nature’s way of laying the foundations for a healthy relationship to develop.

      For most people the feelings of falling in love are only triggered when they are matched, and reciprocated, by another person – then they are falling in love together and it is a wonderful, exhilarating experience. Some people, however, seem to need no encouragement or signs from the other person – they fall in love repeatedly – often with people who aren’t interested, or available, and often with sad consequences. When they are rejected they are as devastated and heartbroken as someone would be after the end of a long term relationship even if they have only dated the person a few times. Here we look at some of the reasons why this happens and what to do if you are someone who falls in love too easily.

      Being in a state of love

      When we talk about someone being in love we think about that being because they have met someone – that the love has come from that person and it is only because they have met them that they feel the way they do – if the person were to stop seeing them the love feelings would go too.

      Being in love has as much to do with what happens inside you as what happens outside – your heart and mind are more open, you are in a heightened state of sensitivity; your imagination is in overdrive; your system is flooded with heady chemicals like dopamine and pleasure-giving endorphins.

      People who fall in love very easily can often feel all these things almost instantly when they are matched with someone because this is their natural state. They live in a state of love whether there is someone there to love or not.  When a good prospect comes along their natural state is heightened as their imagination begins to work overtime as they conjure up visions of what a wonderful future they will have together.

      Imprinting

      When a duckling hatches from its shell it will imprint and follow the first thing it sees even if it is not its mother – someone who is in ‘love’ can make a very strong attachment to someone with a minimal amount of encouragement, just a smile or a kind word is often enough to get their affection. They are keen to find someone who feels the same way so the good feelings they have can be shared and prolonged.

      This isn’t a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean that someone like this is desperate or needy, simply that they are more vulnerable to falling for people who don’t reciprocate their feelings or who are scared off by the strength of their emotions. They may experience the initial rush of falling in love many times but rarely get past the initial phases to develop a strong and lasting relationship.

      Broken hearts

      If you give your heart to everyone you meet the chances are that you will get it broken almost as many times as you give it away. This can be particularly painful for someone who is in ‘love’ because they are very open and sensitive to begin with and will experience every rejection at a deep level, even if it is only after a couple of dates. Although you may not have much choice over how many times you feel the feelings of love for someone you do have some choice over how often you express it and who to.

      Love is a gift

      Being someone who falls in love easily is an advantage when it comes to dating because you don’t have to dismantle your own fears and defences to let someone in but imagine if you could only give your gift of love once more in your life. This would mean you would be much more discerning about who received it – they would have to be someone very special, who you got to know well, to ensure that they were the right person before you ever said those three little words and gave them your heart.

      Rating: 8.2/10 (39 votes cast)

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      Comments

      1

      Lovestrengthpatience

      3 August 2012 21:32

       

      Oh! This is me! It’s so upsetting. I think that because I want true love so desperately I try and make it work at all costs because I don’t want to ‘fail’, even if this means that I end up being treated badly or taken for granted. A very interesting article that I hope will help me in the future.

      2

      dannyboy618

      12 August 2012 21:45

       

      I am also familiar with these feelings.My friends often say I want to marry the person I am attracted to rather than just date them. I am also far too aware of the crushing feelings when the person I start to fall for after several meetings does not reciprocate my clumsy flirting. All the best to Lovestrengthpatience in your search. It is a relief to know that due to an article being written on the subject I am not the only one  )

      3

      Mark

      12 August 2012 23:37

       

      OMG This sounds very familiar, just like me to think i’ve fallen in love straight away then play a love story in my head, then risk loosing the friendship i should have concentrated on in the first place. So much to read on eharmony, so hope to get my head straight and get my life sorted out. Thanks eHarmony.

      4

      ILoveyou

      13 August 2012 00:29

       

      Lovestrengthpatience
      I think I love you will you marry me?
       . Seriously, article is good advice to just keep your head involved along with the heart.

      5

      Heartonsleeve

      13 August 2012 10:38

       

      Having recently received the ‘thanks but no thanks’ text again from someone i’d started dating, this article has timely relevance. Particularly as i feel massively rejected when i know rationally that it’s absurd to be bothered about someone i’ve only met 5 times. I know i fall for people too quickly, i’m always getting my heart broken. But when i try to be more ‘stand-offish’ and not give my heart too freely i come across like an ice-queen b*tch. Where’s the middle ground?

      6

      Stroll

      13 August 2012 14:16

       

      Great article, but what happens when they tell you they love you, plan to have you move in with them, then drop a bombshell saying they dont want a relationship ?

      7

      Lozza

      19 August 2012 14:37

       

      My God, I think my best friends have written this about me!! So scary how accurate this describes me. Wish to God I wasn’t like this but I can’t help it. I fight the feelings constantly but as soon as a guy reciprocate my feelings, I’ve married us off in my head, which them sends them running for the hills!!! My feelings I suppose are very intense but up to that moment, I’m great fun to be around!! I know I need to find the happy balance.

      8

      Phil

      29 August 2012 21:35

       

      Been there so many times… good to know I’m not on my own. A polite hello sets a whole “fantasy” life in motion… dates, moving in, kids, marriage, holidays… you know how it is.. then utter dejection when you hear you’re a lovely bloke but “no thanks”

      9

      Alysha

      3 September 2012 00:08

       

      Agree with everyone great article and we’re not the only ones-you must remember the Bridget Jones scene where she’s desperately trying not to get carried away and then they play a scene of hers and her bosses wedding (after one date)
      For me I think it’s definately getting older and the feeling of oh god it hasnt worked out-again! Why is this? And yes like most people on this thread I wear my heart on my sleeve so I guess we’re vunerable to getting hurt-however I’d rather be like this as being an ice queen doesnt work for me either.
      I love the last bit of the article where it says about thinking about only being able to give your gift of love once more in your life-that resinated with me-going forward I’m going to keep that in mind 

       

      ===========

       

      ok… so my friends even tell me that i fall in love/infatuation so easily. i guess its the looks, honestly. but wen a guy that is cute sweet talks me, i instantly get all soft and start liking him, even though hes a douche. so i end up being used cause the guy just wants something else. its the same with guys with gfs. i stupidly think he will leave his gf but duh… he doesnt and i noe that is bean pie to mess around with guys like that (and i regret it sooo much)

      im trying to not like them so quickly but its kinda hard. how can i stop feeling this way so quickly??

      EDIT: Not really love but more infatuation and like

       Flag Insightful Awesome LOL

      Posts

      • DreamssMember

        November 2008Posts: 5,655

        i wouldnt call this falling in ‘love’, but you just like guys w/ good looks easily, and some girls have that problem too. just make sure you know their personality well too. try to get to know them first
        before confirming that you actually ‘like’ them, you know what i mean?

         Flag Insightful Awesome LOL
      • applecheekMember

        November 2008Posts: 128

        *puts hand up*

        me tooooo! T_T
        Especially when they’re nice to me.

        Tip: Increase your standards of a guy you would like.
        Haha, that really helped for me. 

         huhuhu
        Applecheek Loves YOUUUU.

         Flag Insightful Awesome LOL
      • &#54620;&#49828; &#12619;&#12619;Member

        November 2008Posts: 4,648

        you can’t say love then.
        That’s just attraction.
        Anyone wants to have a partner that is good looking.
        When you love someone, you get a different feeling compared to attraction.

        

         Flag Insightful Awesome LOL
      • lostieeeMember

        November 2008Posts: 553

        It’s called infatuation, I’m like that too 

         Flag Insightful Awesome LOL
      • Juli-Member

        November 2008Posts: 1,409

        Yeah, just try to get to know them, try to ignore their looks. And since you KNOW they’re sweet talking you, try to ignore the sweet talk!

        That happened to me, there was this guy I was attracted to in my english class, and as I got to know his real personality, I didn’t really like him anymore. Well, his personality was fine, but I didn’t agree with his actions (major partier/drinker etc).

        QUOTE (한스 ㅋㅋ @ Nov 16 2008, 02:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

        When you love someone, you get a different feeling compared to attraction.

        Agreed.

        =====

        Is it Love, Lust, Infatuation Or a Crush? 9 Ways to Tell If You Are Really in Love!

        By Hilton Samuel

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        Do you feel strong, heart palpitating feelings for someone?
        Is it love, infatuation, lust or a crush?
        Are you confused as to whether you really love the person or have a simple crush?
        Could it be simply a case of strong emotions running havoc in the system?

        These questions plague many a heart.

        To tell the difference between real love and strong emotions (sometimes called a crush) can be very confusing.

        The greatest minds have discussed this point at length. They have come down on both side of the issue.

        “Love and infatuation do have one thing in common — strong feelings of affection for the member of the opposite sex. Many of the symptoms overlap. The most passionate and blind infatuation may contain a potion of genuine love . And genuine love contain several symptoms of infatuation,” says love expert Nacy Van pelt.

        She goes on to say that the difference between the two are found rather in degree rather than definition. You must examine all the evidence with the greatest caution.

        But you may be still confused with the role feelings play in love. I know of couple who were shocked when they realize that they didn’t feel they the same passion after they get married. They thought that they had fallen out of love.

        John Powel settles the confusion well in his book “The secret of staying in love.”

        “It is obvious that feelings are related to love. The first attraction is usually experienced in terms of strong feelings.. As the tinsel of young love is burnished by time into more valuable gold of love, there will be times when emotional satisfaction will be absent. There will be times when negative feelings cloud the skies of our world… It will be fatal it identify love with feelings because of the fickleness of feelings. However, it will be equally lethal to a relationship, if there were no warm and loving feelings to support the intentions of love,” Powell says.

        What therefore is love?

        LOVE IS A POWERFUL DESIRE TO EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY AND PHYSICALLY SHARE YOURSELF (AND YOUR LIFE) WITH SOMEONE ALONG WITH A DEEP CONCERN FOR THE WELFARE OF OF THIS PERSON.

        This drives us to enter into an arrangement where this concern and desire can be fostered, cultivated and consolidated. This is called a relationship.

        How to tell if you are in love.

        While there is no fool proof test, one of the best questionaire I have come across is one given by psychologist Robert Baron. This can help in identifying your degree of love for the other person.

        Think of the person you believe that you are in love with. Insert his/her name in each of the statements below and then answer each by writing an appropriate number in the box provided. If you agree totally with the statement and feel that it is positively true then enter 9. If you completely disagree and feel that it is totally false then enter 1. If you think that it is more true than false then you enter a number greater than five etc. After answering all the statements, add the numbers you have. The highest score – intense love – 81; the lowest score – no love – 9. Scores 60-65 indicate that you are probably in love. Scores above 70 suggest that you deeply in love with this person.

        Do I feel that I can confide in ______ about virtually any and everything.
        I would do almost anything for ________
        If I could never be with _______ I would feel miserable
        If I were lonely my first thought would be to seek_______
        One of my primary concern is _______’s welfare
        I would forgive ________ for practically anything
        I feel responsible for ________’s welfare
        I would greatly enjoy being confided in by ____
        It would be hard for me to get along without ___

        Total –

        Please understand that this score will change from time to time. Love is dynamic. It can increase or decrease. There are many things which affect the level of love we have from time to time. If you want love to grow it must be nurtured and cultivated.

        =====

        What is the difference between infatuation , having a crush, and being in love?

        • 4 years ago
        • Report Abuse

        Twilight

        Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

        The dictionary meaning of infatuation is : “A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction”

        The dictionary meaning of crush is : “An intense but usually short-lived infatuation”

        The dictionary meaning of love is : “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness”

        So therefor, I think that in order of significance from least to greatest is : crush, infatuation, love

        Source(s):

        www.dictionary.com

        • 4 years ago
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        Other Answers (9)

        • Kevin R

          Infatuation and having a crush are the same thing… They are just physical attraction and the thought of being in love, without the emotional need and attatchment and such.

          Love is a pretty complicated, love is when you feel a very strong emotional feeling for them. You’d know it, because if you miss them constantly, can’t stand being apart from them, feel as if something is missing when you aren’t with them etc.

          It’s impossible to entirely describe love…

          • 4 years ago
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        • Melody

          I think infatuation is when you just admire someone but dont really have real feelings for them. Having a crush is when you want to see them all the time, talk about them, get butterflies in your stomach kinda thing. And being in love is something totally different, youll know when youre in love and you shouldnt need anyone to reassure you about that if there is any doubt then youre probably not in love. Love is a wonderful thing so I hope you too will someday experience it.

          • 4 years ago
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        • f4waysfa…

          Infatuation- light flirting you think about that person sometimes. This is usually the first two weeks of a relationship.

          A Crush- This is usually months 2-6 in a relationship. This is the period of time when you think about this person all the time. You ignore their faults and you love to touch them.

          Love- This usually kicks in some where between 6 months and two years. This is the phase when you realize you have to deal with this persons faults because they have become irreplaceable. This i not as much fun as a crush but way more comfortable. Love is the phase where you will fight sometimes, but always walk away and know that it was no big deal. Love is not as glamorous as people make it sound but when people in love think about it they know it is the crutch that would be hard to drop. Love seems more like an addiction to the same old thing then any form of passion or lust.

          • 4 years ago
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        • Avery H

          Well infatuation and having a crush are pretty similar and pretty much just mean there is an attraction and you would like to get to know the other person better, and probably date them, love is not really definable but in relationships it roughly means you feel a strong connection with the other person and are willing to make large sacrifices for the person.

          • 4 years ago
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        • Lesley

          Infatuation and a crush are the same ish. liking someone. caring for them.

          Love is different, always having someone on your mind, only liking one person, someone you would die for, someone you would do anything for, someone that makes you happy more than ever. someone you could spend the rest of your life with.

          • 4 years ago
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        • Gina

          Infatuation is like being really into someone that you actually converse with
          being in love is when you know you and your partner are meant for each other and nothing could tear you apart

          a crush is just thinking someone would be perfect for you without really knowing for sure or telling them how you feel

          • 4 years ago
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        • Moto

          Infatuation and a crush are relatively the same thing. They are basically pure physical or light emotional attraction.

          Love is more complicated, and is a combination of physical and emotional attraction, and emotional attachment.

          • 4 years ago
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        • M!ss Kat!e

          being in love is knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with your special someone, give them your heart, and have children and start a family with them

          infatuation…it’s all looks…

          and a crush is like…yeah he’s/she’s cute…it’s a possibility you know…

          • 4 years ago
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        • Second Chance

          infatuation is a selfabsorbing, foolish and unreasoning passion

          love is a selfless tender passion for someone

          a crush is an attraction twords someone

          • 4 years ago
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